Effective communication is a challenge. But, with the right tools in his pocket anyone can meet the challenge and avoid the pitfalls of careless speech. All it takes is some thought before we speak, plus a willingness to consider that the words that we say are not neutral. Far from it, your words have the power to motivate for increased productivity or discourage and derail a day’s work. Positively or negatively, your words have an impact.

If your goal as a manager is to inform, motivate and lead in a positive way, you need to take a moment to think if your words are attaining these goals. When things go wrong or do not go exactly as you planned, how do you react? Do you tend to tell your employee exactly what’s on your mind? When you criticize, do you think of the best way to say it?

When things do not go as expected, which can be more often than not, frustration, resentment and disappointment can creep in and a person may not even be aware that these emotions have taken over. But suddenly you find yourself saying something you would never had said if you were calm and under control. The emotions can potentially be one of the biggest pitfalls in positive communication.

To prevent your emotions from dictating what comes out of your mouth, there is a simple but powerful program presented in the new book, “But I Didn’t Mean That,” which shows you how to put you and keep you in control of your words. The program provides you with six basic questions to ask yourself before you unwittingly say something that you’ll later regret. When you stop and think before you speak, with just one of the “Who, What, Where, How, Why and When” questions of positive communication, you are training your mind to think in a positive way. And when your thoughts become more positive, so will your words.

For example, take the case of Paul. He discovered that one of his employees had performed a task in a way that took him much longer than he expected setting back his delivery schedule. Paul’s manager was counting on him and Paul was counting on this employee. Paul was frustrated and under a lot of pressure, so he said the first thing to his employee that popped into his mind, “What’s wrong with you? What took you so long? Why didn’t you do it the way I told you?” Words such as these can make a person feel like, as one employee succinctly put it, “like an idiot.”

Of course Paul didn’t mean to make his employee fell like an idiot. He would be shocked and dismayed that his words were taken that way, for on the contrary; he highly regards this employee’s intelligence and his work. Paul’s words would have come out much differently, had he thought, “What am I not seeing?”

This question would have given Paul a chance to neutralize his negative judgment and to step back from the situation enough to realize that he was not seeing the whole picture and didn’t know why his employee did what he did. By answering this question honestly, and thinking that there must be a good reason for what he did, Paul could then be able to say to his employee in a non-accusatory tone: “It looks like we’re not going according to plan. I need to understand why you did it this way.”

Tuning into the other person by considering where he or she is coming from is one of the basic tenets of positive communication. It is not only for his benefit but for yours as well. When you focus on the effects of your words on others, you ultimately end up improving your own situation.

We can learn how this might work from Jessica who recently found herself in a meeting in which she had a very big stake in the outcome. Her project, if accepted, would be a boost for her and would give her a sizeable increase in responsibilities in her company. She was asked to present her plan at this meeting and she eagerly did so. She discussed the benefits of her plan but she also spent some time knocking the other plan being considered and the person behind it who happened not to be at this meeting.

Jessica would have not have spoken about the other manager had she thought beforehand using the questions of positive communication. She would have thought, “Where will my words lead me?” This question would have helped her to use her words to focus on her long term goals. It would have helped her to think if in the long run her words would encourage people to like and respect her.

If the goal of her words was to promote her plan, then she would have been careful to focus only on the attributes of her plan. She wouldn’t want the other manager to become her enemy over this and go against her. Yet that’s exactly what could happen. Someone at that meeting could very easily tell that manager what Jessica said at the meeting and he could in turn report back to the president that she is not a team player and therefore not fit to run such a big project. Jessica could stand to lose, not only the opportunity of the project, but her credibility.

Putting the tools of positive communication to work on the job has many benefits. You will find that once you start to think with the six questions before you speak, you will improve your relationships not only in office but at home and in the world at large as well. “But I Didn’t Mean That!” is published by New Harbinger Publications.